we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
