dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
