Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
