BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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