70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
