i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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