Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
