Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
