Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
