Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
