I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I could make wine with my vomit
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize