Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
