i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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