god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
