Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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