you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
