he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
