If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I have aggressive nipples.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
