I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
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You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
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Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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