What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
