We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
