yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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