No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
