So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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