Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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