I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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