she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
