my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
