I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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