i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
