were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
