it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
