Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
me + whiskey = a bad person
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
