like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I have aggressive nipples.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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