I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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