theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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