You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
