strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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