Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
