I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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