Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
