I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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