It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize