When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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