She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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