When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
