there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
