he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
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