wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
