You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
