i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
