So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
