Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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