Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
zippers are such a cool invention
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
