Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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