but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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