I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
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From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
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I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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