If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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