You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
