Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
