Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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