I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
