Im at strip club and am horny
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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