Dual....:-)
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
being pregnant is like rehab
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
