Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
