I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
