I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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