I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
