her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
