Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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