the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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