He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
