You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
