I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
