The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
