What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
