it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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