I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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