i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
