Im at strip club and am horny
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
