I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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