dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
