Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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