Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
