cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
