remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
